Will today be the day?
Will I finally release myself of the burden
of tears in the back of my eyes
of fears in the back of my mind?
Will I finally let go of the bitterness
I so painstakingly try to hide?

Will today be the day?
Will I finally feel the joy
of true release
of a worry-free day?
Will I finally feel refreshed after
a night of calm reflection
and thanks a million times?

Today shall not be.
My tears will not come.
My fears remain.
Bitter, no. Sorry, maybe. Afraid, completely.

When shall I be able to cry...out of fear...out of happiness..out of devotion...out of sincerity...
There are those who cry in prayer...why can I not be of them?
There are those who cry in misery at the misfortune of brothers...why can I not be of them?
There are those who cry tears of joy...why can I not be of them?

I do believe...I do fear...I do hope...I do pray...

Oh Allah accept from me my prayers and fast! Oh Allah please give me that which will make me a better Muslimah...

Oh reader, forgive me my rants...