Sunday, July 26, 2009

Dear, orange is not your color.

I came.
How could I not?
I don't hear you or see you for weeks at a time it seems.
I miss, but not this you.
The you of so long ago.
Read in the name of your Lord.
You don't like to read?
Have they left your heart completely?
Did they fall on deaf ears?
You forget the words of only yesteryear?
Have I betrayed you?

Don't worry, you weren't the only one to make me cry.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

too long

I enjoyed my trip to Eureka Springs. Arkansas is simply beautiful. No matter what anyone else says about it, I really enjoy driving through Arkansas. I just might go again next week. I took off next Thursday through Sunday for a trip. I thought we were going to Houston, then it changed to Chicago, and now it looks like no one can go. That's okay, I'm headed out. I can just take my own car and drive, insha'Allah. I'm flexible. But since I've already taken the days off, I want to make the most of it. Speaking of taking days off, I can't believe I signed up to work this much during my VACATION! I have forgotten how hard it is to work with little kids. Alhamdulillah, I have patience, but it is seriously killing me. I have to come home and take a nap almost every day. Today, I had to FORCE myself to go to Riverside! FORCE myself. I LOVE to visit my favorite spot. I enjoy the walk/jog. I enjoy the breeze and the time to think and jam to my music. And even though I made myself go today, I enjoyed every second. I actually stayed really long. I had far too much fun sprinting across the bridge at nearly full speed in the wind of the biker who was probably annoyed by my presence. I had a great workout and then I sat and just decided to think. I have a soundtrack to my life. I choose the song and think. Sometimes the wind is the song, sometimes the passing cars and the fishermen. Sometimes it's a little sould and a flash of jazz or a hint of pop or a tad of blues. Today, I don't know what it was. It was just my thoughts. A little sister run away and I don't know why. A brother locked away and I know all too well why. I wondered how many of our bros are locked away and how broken the system is. I wondered how many of our sisters decide the running is better than sitting. I can't fix it, and that has taken all of me. I don't have the energy anymore. I sat and waited. And as I waited, I asked myself what I was waiting for. Which made me think of who I was waiting for and loneliness that doesn't really bother me anymore. But it does. I sat alone and didn't want anyone to bother me. I didn't feel like conversation or the facade of pleasantries. I only wanted to think. I was kind of hoping for a miracle. I was kind of hoping I'd see one of them. I thought I had more than once; I lost them both again. I am at the edge of my water. I don't know whether to jump in or just sit at the edge. I don't feel like talking in metaphors really, but I can't help it. I am a little lonely, but I am embraced in love. I am sad, but I insist on being happiness. I am waiting, but I am far too busy. The clock is ticking, in reality, and I have to catch the train. Ooh, speaking of trains, maybe I could just take a train. I have been wanting to do that. Speaking of wanting, I think I will find a ticket to My Fair Lady this Sunday. I love that musical!!! Speaking of musicals, I am also going to plan on seeing one of the Wicked performances this month, insha'Allah.

There much better.