Sunday, April 19, 2009


It was fourteen years ago today that an explosion rocked the core of the heartland. I remember the day and I remember the feeling. I remember the way it changed our view of the world and changed the way we looked at ourselves. Today I experienced the overwhelming need to cry and had a reason. As I looked at the shoes, and keys, and debris that was once a part of someone's life, there was an understanding of how hate can destroy and how helpless we really are. I watched people around me cry, remembering fathers and wives and children lost.

I walked in alone. But once inside, I walked hand-in-hand with ghosts.

"We come here to remember those who were killed, those who survived and those changed forever. May all who leave here know the impact of violence. May this memorial offer comfort, strength, peace, hope and serenity."

Visit the Oklahoma City National Memorial site by clicking the link above (the quote) or below. If you cannot go in person, the website gives a good idea of how beautiful the site is. Beautiful but sorrowful. Bittersweet.

Saturday, April 18, 2009


I'm not really one to block my thoughts. I'd much rather write without worrying about the consequences, post without fear of reprecussions, and speak without being threatened. I am in no way harmed or under any oppression. Well, except the opression of my own hand. I am censoring myself. I can't really write all the things I want. Saying them would be too hard. Explaining them too difficult. Accepting them too deprecating. But above all, to write them would only expose my own flaws, and that is something the powerful never allow.

I always have weird dreams, but last night, they were dreams of all things I fear. They have left me with a funny taste in my mouth and fear churning in the pit of my stomach.
"Do you ever wonder why all this is happening? Do you ever feel that you're getting the shaft because of it? Is that selfish?" she asked, all the words almost coming out at once, the confession, the one too shady to utter, only just announced and the silence only thus broken.
"No. Not at all." The voice was soft and true. "It was just time for bad things again. They come in cycles. It was just time."
With hardship comes ease. Verily, with hardship comes ease. (Quran 94: 5-6)

Monday, April 13, 2009

I want to study abroad. I am applying for a scholarship for a public high school teacher to take a trip to study far from home for about ten days. In order to form my response to the essay question, I felt that I needed to do some research. I read a great article about the need for more teachers to travel and bring that perspective to their students. The article "Where in the World Is My English Teacher?" was truly inspiring. In the article, the author mentions an essay by Alice Walker. I looked it up (isn't that what happens when you research? one thing leads to another?) and read it. The essay, like a lot of Alice Walker's works, was easy to read. It was like she was standing in front of me telling me about life and her experience. I enjoyed reading the essay and wanted to go straight to the bookstore and buy the collection of her essays. Too bad I stayed at the library until 10! Oh, well. There's always tomorrow. Besides, I still need to buy my copy of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. ;)

Whoever you are, you'll likely enjoy the essay too. Check it out:
I think I will just lie here a while,
until the lump in my throat dissipates,
and the throbbing in my head ceases.