Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I could have curtseyed.

I didn't say anything back. I could have screamed. I could have thrown a fit. I could have pointed out the flaws of such...hypocrisy? unfairness? crazy assumptions unspoken?

I didn't.

Instead I played the good daughter. I've played the good girl role for far too long now. I'm sick of it. It hasn't gotten my far. I could just stop playing this role and then we'll see what happens.

I won't.

I have this burning inside me that makes me want to say "screw it all!" but I don't let that burning catch fire. I feel it, but I don't let it catch. I have this feeling inside that wants to yell "what about...?" but I don't just believe in my feelings.

I don't.

I have begun to wish I didn't ask. I have this tendency to be nonconfrontational. It hasn't gotten me far. I want to quit my job as lead actress in this charade. I'm so sick and tired. I want to scream.

I can't.

I believe in it. Deep in my core, I do. I just wish I didn't sometimes. I wish I could simply be. But I leave it to fate. And it eats me up inside. It should.

It doesn't.

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