I don't really believe in crying in front of others. Most people who know me know that about me. It's a little too intimate, too personal. Lately I just wanna cry a lot. I don't know if it is the world bogging me down or just that time of month. :) (I can never be serious long enough for my own good.)

***

I called her last night. My best friend. My very best friend. She's happy. She's more than happy. She's engaged and spending all her time with him. I'm not jealous of her. I'm not even jealous of him. I just miss her. I want her here. I want to tell her everything about everything; I want to tell someone everything I didn't tell anyone. How can I ruin her happiness? How can I even remind her of my existence?

I called my best friend last night and I cried. I cried on the telephone to a friend a million miles away in the Holy Land. Yet, as I cried, I lied. The tears streaked the face, the heart wept loudly, yet the smile was sent over the miles. The hopes the prayers were sent. The tears stayed in Tulsa to be indulged only by me.

It's better that way.

***

"From Kamlah I take...ummm.... our eternal love," she joked.

"That's just gay dude," was my dumb teenage-inspired reply. "You get cool things from everyone else, but from me you take love? Why can't I give you common sense or strength? Why can't I give you something to actually USE in Egypt?"

"You can take Kamlah's ability to hide her feelings," Laura said. "She never let's anyone know when something is the matter or something is bothering her. I'm sure you can use that around your in-laws!"

Who knew she knew me that well?

***