Gettin' there

I sat back in my chair sipping my second cup of sugar (with just a little bit of tea mind you). I listened half-heartedly, wishing to be anywhere but right here listening to the troubles of middle-aged women visiting on a Saturday afternoon. I did not betray my annoyance when asked me if I drank tea before my step-mom came around ("Because Americans like iced tea...oh, I forgot your father is Arab...") or when she asked me if my mother [Allah yarhamha] used to cut my hair short when I was young ("Not often? No wonder your hair is thinner than mine...") or when she asked me if I am on a diet ("Don't be embarassed! I'm dieting too!"). No, I just answered politely and kept my eyes on the children. But when the conversation turned to other things, I woke up.

"See all my grey hairs?"

I took a look. I responded in the fashion that was required of me:

"It's not really all that noticable," I reply. "Looks kinda like highlights." And it does, kinda.

I'm 22 and listening to a conversation about the best way to dye your grey hair. I listen to old wives' tales about how to stop your hair from turning grey. I listen as they make excuses for the grey hair on their head ("When I first moved to America, I was SO scared that I started having grey hair! If I hadn't been so scared I would have naturally dark hair. Fear really makes you age, and have grey hair."). I'm 22 and don't care if they have grey hair...and then something happened:

"Ohmigosh...I'm gonna have grey hair!!!"

I am 22, and what have I done??? Where has all the time gone? I'm gonna have grey hair!!! AHHHHHHHHH!

But wait.

Sometimes I think about my mom (Allah yarhamha). She died before she was 40 (at 39...only two months shy of 40). And if I were to die like her, I am already past the halfway marker. And if I die before that, then I really need to start shaping up. SubhanAllah, you never know. But something in me awakened after listening to them. I don't want to be them. I don't want to be like them.

I think I'll embrace whatever comes, when it comes. Maybe I'll be a cool grey headed person. Wait...I wear hijab. Who cares??? :)