Fear

I wonder what they will do if I ever move out of this place? Who will get my room? And most importantly, what will I do with all my junk??? :)

I thought of that this morning and was holding it inside until I could write it on my blog. Well, now it looks kinda silly, but I've promised myself I'd write it. And more importantly, I've promised myself not to delete anything I write. I deem it blogger ethics: If a blog is truly representative of my feelings and thoughts at any particular moment, then I, the blogger, cannot by any means erase my feelings and therefore must not delete any of those thoughts as put on paper (or in this case, electronic format). Also, if a blog is truly representative of my feelings and thoughts at any particular moment, then any one post will likely be contradicted by another post because of the ambiguity of the author's feelings. Further, the blog will act like a journal of deeds and thoughts and actions to be used by the author and potential readers as lessons to learn from: take from what is good (alhamdulillah) and make not the same mistakes as the author.

And so, I now fear that I have written things that may cause grief or pain. I fear that I may have transcribed feelings that should be left intimately my own. I fear that I am wrong. But should that be so, I will not delete. I will not censure my feelings or thoughts. For, I swear, sometimes they just fall from my fingertips and I don't even know I am writing. Sometimes, they are lifted from my mind and placed in full view. And this scares me. But it is this fear that I must face. For if you know me, you now know me well. And if you do not, you know me better than most. I fear hurting others and myself. Above all I think I fear silence.

And silent I am not.