I climbed up the pole the first day. I shimmied across the tight rope, keeping my balance with the other belay cable. I stood on the platform, albeit with shaking knees, and flew down the zipline with a short release of energy in the form of a scream. On the first day, I trusted my belay team. On that first day, I surpassed my own expectation. The first day made me proud, though I was still a little scared.
I climbed up the pole on the second day. I tried to set up the dynamic pulley. I tried, but I let myself come down after reaching the other log. I didn't push myself. I was not happy with myself, but I didn't go on. On the second day, fear won. On the second day, when I had to trust only myself and my equipment, I couldn't do it.
I climbed up the pole on the third day. I actually climbed the pole without a belay team. I climbed the pole and maneuvered my way onto the platform (the hardest part actually). I walked across the bridge with strong confidence in my steps ("It's like being on the ground," I told myself over and over before climbing). On the third day, I was fully confident in my body and my equipment. I surprised myself. I never knew my body was that strong. I was able to climb onto that platform holding myself up with my body parts in awkward positions: one leg sideways, one hand gripping whatever it could, my body twisting unusually. On the third day I truly pushed myself to set up that zip line. On the third day, I trusted myself and I won.
I was able to look down. I was able to talk to the person on the platform and the people on the ground. I could look down without fear. I could suspend myself with my quick lock carabiner grip and let go of both hands to secure the pulley. I could climb and set up. I could swing and rest and talk and laugh and look.
After three days on the course, I now feel more confident. My philosophy on pain (and dentists in particular) seems to work for heights as well: I won't remember the pain (or the fear) tomorrow, so don't worry about it now or ever.
I can't really remember all the feelings I had when I reached the top of the pole, but I know that pride is an amazing feeling and fear can be managed. I know that enjoying a moment is more fun the fearing it. I know that climbing is something I just might want to pick up.
