I drive like a...

MANIAC!

MANIAC!

No, really. Just read my previous posts and you'll know that while I have a good time (and any passenger of mine will enjoy the constant speeding, last-minute turns, and all around illegal fun) I just don't have a great track record. And with that in mind, check out my latest scandalous endeavor in my anything-but-new car:

On Monday I was late to my spin class (indoor cycling at the Y) so I was speeding (biggest non-secret ever: I'm always late to spin class---and even if I'm not I'm still speeding). When I'm driving through the neighborhood I see a lot of birds on the road (not really a LOT, just like a litter of them scattered) just before a stop sign. I swear I can't be going more than 30 mph because I just made a turn (even with a manual car, I don't think I could possibly have gone more---okay maybe 40). Birds move out of the way right? They're smart like that, right? WRONG! WRONG!!!

Pigeons are STUPID! The stupid (though pretty) pigeon did not move. It just kept bobbing it's weightless head across the street as if my heavy car wasn't coming in it's direction. It just looked at me with it's glossy eye, almost winking at me, almost saying "I dare ya!" And so as it was just about in the center of my lane, I ran it over.

"Thump, thump" was all you could hear as the bird's head hit the cage under my car. "Oh MY GOD!" was all you could hear as my little brother and I became thoroughly disgusted in my car.

I looked out of my rear view mirror expecting to see the dead bird lying on the road. I only saw lots and lots of bird feathers slowly making their way back down to the ground after an apparent bird bomb (in true cartoon fashion). No bird lying on the ground must only mean the bird must still be under my car. As I stopped at the stop sign (a complete stop for once mind you) I tried to figure out what I should do. I can't possibly park my car at the YMCA with a dead pigeon stuck to the bottom! I mean, imagine the stinch after my workout!

Just as I'm imagining the problems I'm gonna have, I drive away from the stop sign. And to my utter amazement, the pigeon is walking AWAY! It was alive and walking away! So I may have run it over, but I didn't kill it (well, not right away anyways)!

And you thought running over a frog at night was harsh? Gee-whiz