I spend most of my time thinking...
...not enough time writing what I'm thinking

I have a theory regarding pain: I won't remember it tomorrow, so why worry about it now? I don't know if I really have high tolerance for pain, or I simply can't remember how badly it hurt and how horribly I reacted when I think about it the next day.

Eleven Years...

...is a long time, but you never forget:

the red of her hair
the blue of her eyes

...is a long time, but you cannot forget:

the pain of the treatment
the paleness of her skin, sick

...is a long time, but you dare not forget:

the drives and growing up
the laughs and braids and mascara

...is a long time, but I hope I always remember:

her love
her patience
her strength
her faith
her beauty
her laughter
her

...is not enough time to forget her, to get over her.

Old Risque (Not-Quite-Censored) Behaviors of the Reckless at Heart and Delusional in Mind

I must say I've grown accustomed to
.....the front seat of your car.
I'm used to the fight
.....over "where?"
I enjoy the graze of your hand
.....upon my knee. Accidental.
I've returned to this creative place
.....in my head, but at what cost?
Everytime I run away I seem to be
.....running towards desperation
.....and intrigue.

Totally me

I just might need some of these. Maybe.

The Weather Underground (1-9)

This is the first of 9 episodes (youtube breaks it down into ten minute episodes) presenting the weather underground. This documentary and who the weather underground was and what their goals and beliefs were, was one of the most fascinating things I've heard in a long time. Knowing that this happened on American soil is outrageous. Why do we never study this in history in our country? Why have I, an American born, raised, and educated in this country, NEVER heard of these guys? And HOW is it possible to do such things and get NO punishment whatsoever? Whatever your stance on what they did (right or wrong, doesn't matter), the fact that they did it and were a serious revolutionary movement within our country is simply mind blowing.

There is nothing as relaxing,
as refreshing,
as utterly enjoyable
as driving
with the breeze reviving you
with the sun warming my skin
with the blurs passing me by.

(not even the police officer
and the super expensive ticket
could ruin this drive,
not today, not ever)

Bummer?

I got an email today begging for substitutes for the ACT. I said I'd help out.

The good news: I get paid to grade papers for four hours.

The bad news: It's my birthday.

Well at least I'll have the money to get my piercings now. :)

Tomorrow

I'm driving to Tahlequah, Oklahoma for a weekend seminar. I don't mind the drive. Actually, I love the drive. The problem is I kind of don't want to go tomorrow. I'd rather sit at home and mope. I'd rather just lay in bed. Instead, I'll be sitting with other English majors. Instead, I'll be listening to them chatter along. Instead, I'll be wishing I didn't go.

At least my toenails are painted.

What about the controversial poetry that remains ambiguously labeled word documents on a laptop that will one day retire? What about those words so laboriously chosen that have great emotional meaning but are only sad little untruths written out on a keyboard in the middle of the night?

What of them, I say? What of them?

Who will think of them?

Life and Death (but mostly death)

I lost my little bitty, teeny tiny top left wisdom tooth. It was the tooth that caused my gums to swell up before erupting into a useless mass at the back of my mouth that I couldn't touch with a toothbrush.

I lost the tooth next to it. It was the molar that allowed me to chew delicious morsels of appetizing dinners and tantalizing desserts. It was the molar that later kept me up at night with its chipped side and caving cavity.

I lost them; they were taken.

You cannot see where they were. No one will ever notice. In a few weeks time, it will be as if they never existed in my mouth; the gum will heal and the chewing without them will be normal.
Until then, my tongue will miss her neighbor, her friend. Until then, my tongue will feel awkward. Until then, my tongue will remember the tooth that was.

Until then, my tongue will weep.