Vacation

Just because I was unable to post doesn't mean I didn't write....

Truly

Shall I lie to you
As I lie to myself?
Shall I tell you how
I think and feel
When I keep such
Info from myself?

Shall I caress your hand
And tell you it will
Be okay
When I deny myself
The touch of gentleness
And the comfort
Of reassuring words?

Shall I give you
Of my heart
When it is already
Torn and bleeding?

Shall I seek your forgiveness
And tell you secrets once more
When I would not do the same
In your shoes?

I shall humble myself
Before my dear Lord
And ask His forgiveness
And to ensure me yours.

Maybe then I shall give
And you can freely take
Of the shattered soul
I only now break.

Maybe then I shall breath
A sigh of relief
To see your face
And greet
You with a smile
Of honesty, not disgrace.

Maybe then you will see
How hurt I became
Before forgiveness came.

Maybe then you will know
What I said before
Was no lie
And the words will flow
Evermore
Though silent may be the room.

Maybe then I will not lie
To myself
Nor to you.

December 22, 2005
9:20 p.m.

Allah

Drops like tears
Into an ocean
Of ink
Though not enough
To write the words
That would justify
Any of this

Stand in the desert
Alone
With no one near
Though not solitaire enough
To express the Oneness
That explains
All of this

Walk the terrain
Of endless mountains
Of majesty
Though not enough beauty
To convey the Magnificence
That could compare to
All of His

December 22, 2005
9:30 p.m.

Allah Pt. II

There is inside of me
Something that is touched by
The strike of a piano’s key
The pluck of a harp’s cord
The strum of a guitar’s string
The hum of a violin
The beat of a drum
The delight of a voice
Singing in praise
Of Him and Love of Him
In devotion

And no matter the beat
No matter the sound
No matter how bad, how good
No matter that I know not the words
No matter the language, foreign beauty
The cry of the voice
For the Unknown, the All-Knowing

The sincerity
The purity
The genuine intensity
The fear
The love
The joy

Oh to feel that joy
To sing that song
To collaborate alone
With the best of efforts
No matter how bad the tune
You would not care
For I sing for You
And to You
And ask of You
And praise You

I am dizzy in my efforts
I am dizzy in my fear
I am dizzy for I love You
And I am dizzy for I do not praise You enough
I am dizzy and the world spins around me
I am dizzy and I grow tired
I am dizzy for I know You
I am dizzy and the world revolves
I am dizzy and I feel You
I am dizzy and You catch me with Your Words

I fall
Now I can stand tall.

9:40 p.m. December 22, 2005

I truly find myself
Revolving

For what

Is it just that I am sick and the world is shaky

Is it just that I am lost and cannot find my way

Is it just that I have danced in circles around the answer

Is it that I am going mad and have lost touch with reality

I truly find myself
Revolving

Around a question of sanity

Of dignity

Of sincerity

Of devotion

Of promotion

Like a broken record

Of lies and empty imaginings

I truly find myself
Revolving

In tight circles

Threatening to tighten around my throat

Threatening to steal my voice
Threatening to take me under
Threatening to capture of what I love


I truly find myself
Revolving

Yet going nowhere

I am sick

Of revolving

I stand

I sit

I fall
I cry

Only just inside