All while eating ice cream from the carton

Why is it that my reflection is upside down on the inside of the spoon, yet rightside up on the back of the spoon? (I couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation...couldn't wrap my mind around it.)

Today I missed the local Race for the Cure. I've gone for the last three years. I am a little sad at missing this one, even if I would have just walked due to fasting. I walked last year and enjoyed it. I should've walked this year, but I didn't. Here's to next year!

L'Chaim! To life! (Watched "Fiddler on the Roof" again--great times!)

How is it that someone like her can get married, yet I'm still single? How can I be so full of myself? Seriously, get over myself.

Sometimes I look at someone else, examine their lives, their actions. Sometimes I see the selfish person they are. When they talk about their "meddling" parents I realize how important it is in our culture to be selfish. When I hear talk about moving away because of parental suffocation, I know it's selfish. When plans are made, hopes are shared, dreams are dreamt and family is the last to know, it's as if selfishness were a virtue. Sacrifice for parents, now that should be a step closer to God. If we can sacrifice for those who made the greatest sacrifices for us, are we not one step closer to knowing and loving the Creator who made our love and secured this bond? I am not there yet, but feel that it is a step in the right direction. With the right intention, the right path can be taken. Maybe. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I've got it all right.

So I convinced a friend to try online dating. The irony. He went out on a date today. Wonder how that worked out. I'm sure I'll hear about it soon. Ah, the irony.

I really wonder if losing your independence is worth falling in love. Who am I kidding? What independence?

If I were to leave, who would be around to help, not that I'm that much help? Who would eat dinner with them? Who would listen? Who would be the glue the keeps it all together?

My brother's shorts, tied tightly around my waist so they won't fall down, are so comfortable the I think I shall never wear my own clothes again. I can imagine a happy life filled with t-shirts and boys' basketball shorts. Ahh...comfort. I mean, I could gain fifty pounds and these shorts would expand with me. I'd never feel fat, cause I'd be wearing amazing boy shorts. Ahh...so this is love.

Why is it called neapolitan ice cream? And why did they decide vanilla was important enough to include in the carton?

Do I like chocolate or strawberry more? Hmm....just one more bite.

*Two gunshots outside my home right now. I hear the gun going off and never really think anything of it. Yesterday I walked to the store down the street. I haven't walked that way in so long. We used to frequent the little trip two blocks down the road when we were younger. Now, our cars drive us where we need to go. As I walked the distance, I heard the gunshot, close. I didn't think it was a gun. I assumed it was a car backfiring just around the bend. It was a gun. What or who they were shooting is unclear to me. If they will get caught or if they were just scaring someone or kids with too much free time, will remain a mystery to me. But being so close to such violence, however unreal it still is in my world, is a little unreal. I almost walked around that fenced off area, but didn't. I almost became a witness. I'm not afraid of being a victim, but don't know what I'd do if I were a witness. A helpless witness. *

Definitely chocolate....no, strawberry. Just another bite? :)

I'm so exhausted all the time, but I don't really know why. It's definitely not just because I'm fasting. It's definitely just me.

***

I want to write.

I can feel the words
inside
trying to escape
the humanesque
and acheive
divinity.

I want to write.

I see the words
outside
trying to breathe
the cool night's air
and dying
cruelly.

I want to write.

I bury the words
underground
trying to dispose
the contents
and remains
deliberately.

Only to write.

by the way...

Ramadan Mubarak! :)

I haven't spent time at the Masjid yet this year (which is so unlike me), but I have spent much more time with my family. I know now that it is really my duty. I have made dinner most nights (which was actually fun to do, even after working all day...seriously!), only missing due to back to school night at school last Tuesday (but since they ate my leftover lasagna, it was as if I was there all along). I love my Baba (dad) so much! He's the real reason I make sure to eat at home every chance I get. He's the reason I make dinner and serve coffee and smile and talk each night. It's Ramadan, and if he can't be happy always and with everyone, he'll be happy with me at least this month. At least.

Well, I just wanted to write "Happy Ramadan," but I seemed to have allowed my fingers to run wild on the page. I am sure my writing is not cohesive, but that's okay. I'll leave it this time. I meant what I wrote and felt what I said. And now I'll sleep and pray for a good week, good month, good year, good life. Ameen.

Happy Ramadan! :)

facade

education
is just a great
excuse
for a
single
daughter

education
has always been
a superb
excuse
for not
wanting
another
person

education
will continue to be
a fantastic
excuse
for not
wearing a
ring of
platinum and
diamonds

education
is my excuse,
and a greatly
used one at
that, for
not having
to deal
with
matrimony

*********

I finish my Master's degree in May, insha'Allah, only to embark on my doctorate. The learning won't stop...and so I'll have a reason to remain single, much to my family's dismay. ;)