and the world falls open
to reveal a scary core
of all things broken

(only one day until
sunny weather
with scattered
storms and
heartache,
only one day
until the Florida
beach & sweet
solitude and
the sun)

Did I mention
I love,
love,
love
Mr. Darcy?

we fought
over whose half
of the sole red
popsicle was bigger

we fought
over who sat
shotgun in the
front seat of the
old white car

we fought
over which movie
to watch first

we fought
over who would
get to keep the toy
in the expensive
box of cereal

we fought
over who controls
the tv remote

NOW

we fight
to see who's
more powerful
in strength
and mind

we fight,
whose words
are more vile,
more hurtful,
most unforgiving?

we fight
without love
or mercy or any
sign of
affection

we fight
to see who
can hurt the
most and
cry the
least

we fight
to inflict pain
without reward
pain without
hope pain
within

we fight
though in
reality I cannot
call this unit
(the me
and the you
and the him
and the
others) a 'we'
anymore

I
and
you
and
him
and
the
others
are,
but
'we'
are
not

change of heart

something about
driving with
the wind
wrapping around
and beating
negativity with
its powerful
gusts from
lands both
near and
far that
makes me
forget who
i am
and makes
me someone
better than
i've ever
been before

there is
something about
staring at
the green
hills that
go on
forever and
the lakes
that ripple
with hope
and gleam
with clarity
that changes
my very
set ways
and stubborn,
wrong ideas

there is
something about
that hour
long drive
twice over
that made
me change
my mind

there must
have been
something too
grand in
that hour;
something that
made me
look at
it all
so differently;
something that
made me
see what
needed to
be done;
something that
made me
look into
the future
and ask,
pray for
children and
a happily
ever after

there is
something about
my car
and my
music and
my mind
and my
state and
my responsibilities

a random
change of
my heart

in my head

i dislike my brother at the moment
i think that i am not really looking forward to school tomorrow
i want to get out of the house, but I don't feel so great right now
i want to go eat lunch with friends
i can't wait for my vacation to florida
i don't want to think of weddings or family issues
i don't want to do anything right now
i am thinking of running about sunset
i want to go look at bunk beds
i teared up thinking about how my space is limited
i felt like crap when no one missed our presence
i want to change the mood to a more pleasant one
i don't really know how
i don't know what to write if it can't be what it is
i don't like playing games
i hate getting phone calls from random people
i don't appreciate it when people don't call me back
i never want to answer on the first call
i never want the other person to answer on the first call
i hate feeling obliged to do something
i like being useful
i like sitting by the water
i enjoy running in the evenings



i ran into love; it robbed me of desire and inspiration
i ran into love again; it stole my morals and my self preservation
i ran into love a third time; i shoved love off the sidewalk
love was hit by a truck; love survived
love won't bother me again


i called, no one answered
you called; did you think i would answer?
i asked, no one responded
you asked of me; did you think i would respond?
i pleaded, no one helped me
you pleaded my help; did you think i would help you?
well, i did
i answered, i responded, i helped you
why?
because that is the difference between you and me
you only want from others
i only want others