All roads lead to the river; lead to the ocean.

Which is where I'd rather be, in the rain, on the run, at the river; knee-deep in the ocean.

Driving in the rain; driving to the river.

All roads lead to the river; lead to reflection at the river's edge.

Let's see..

I go to Chicago Friday morning, insha'Allah. I'm excited. Just not enough. I'm sure I'll feel better when it all finally sinks in.

***

Goodness...my eye did this funky thing this morning. I thought I had pink eye so I made an appointment, got a sub for my classes, left school midday. When I got to the office, my eye looked fine. It wasn't even the least bit red. Why is life like that?

Oh well, I got some eye drops out of the experience. I know that I won't be the bridesmaid with a freak eye now. Insha'Allah. :)

***

My Arabic is all messed up. But I'm still proud of myself sometimes. I'm just not going to think about the mistakes. Words mean more to me than I can type or write. However, their power is only evident to the writer sometimes.

***

Nadrine's party was freaking awesome! Masha'Allah she looked beautiful and the room was nicely decorated (thanks to late night meetings at the hotel). There were lots of uninvited guests and idiot Arabs who came, seemingly, to ruin a great party. Too bad; we had fun anyway! I danced nearly the whole night. It was amazing! I love girl parties! :)

***

My mom flew out this morning to see her mother in the hospital. She's really sick and needs surgery. Things don't look that great. I pray that she will get better, insha'Allah.

Zahida's father-in-law died today. I feel bad for my friend. May Allah make it easy for her family.

Speaking of which, I'm not sure that I know how to grieve anymore. Sympathy I have. Empathy, sometimes. But grief hits us hard sometimes. Too hard. Grieving over death is just a stepping stone in my life. I just hope I'm not insensitive.

***

Sometimes I make no sense whatsoever.

Then again,

Nonsensical to you; poetry to me.

My problem

حبيتك ٲكثر

حزنت ٲكثر

أحبك اليوم و بكرا

أنت سبب

هذا الحق

من غير كذب

من غير حل

Life is so taxing on one's soul.

...so is pretending to live.

I think I would prefer to be straight forward. I almost pick up the phone, type the words, speak them aloud. I'd rather know than hope. Hope is only worth its trouble when you have the faith to know something better is coming. Hope is only hopeful when you have patience.

But then again, maybe ignorance is bliss. Maybe not.

***

I get to go to yet another friend's wedding! I'm so excited. I have a bridesmaid dress for Sabrin's wedding in Chicago (custom made and paid for by the groom's family---first time EVER!). Now I just need to find the dress for Nadrine's party...in a week and a half! I'm starting to go crazy!!! I've been looking for weeks now. Will I find the perfect dress in time? Insha'Allah. Will I ever find what I'm looking for?

WILL I EVER find what I'm looking for? Will I be found?

***

What a dork I am! :)