too long

I enjoyed my trip to Eureka Springs. Arkansas is simply beautiful. No matter what anyone else says about it, I really enjoy driving through Arkansas. I just might go again next week. I took off next Thursday through Sunday for a trip. I thought we were going to Houston, then it changed to Chicago, and now it looks like no one can go. That's okay, I'm headed out. I can just take my own car and drive, insha'Allah. I'm flexible. But since I've already taken the days off, I want to make the most of it. Speaking of taking days off, I can't believe I signed up to work this much during my VACATION! I have forgotten how hard it is to work with little kids. Alhamdulillah, I have patience, but it is seriously killing me. I have to come home and take a nap almost every day. Today, I had to FORCE myself to go to Riverside! FORCE myself. I LOVE to visit my favorite spot. I enjoy the walk/jog. I enjoy the breeze and the time to think and jam to my music. And even though I made myself go today, I enjoyed every second. I actually stayed really long. I had far too much fun sprinting across the bridge at nearly full speed in the wind of the biker who was probably annoyed by my presence. I had a great workout and then I sat and just decided to think. I have a soundtrack to my life. I choose the song and think. Sometimes the wind is the song, sometimes the passing cars and the fishermen. Sometimes it's a little sould and a flash of jazz or a hint of pop or a tad of blues. Today, I don't know what it was. It was just my thoughts. A little sister run away and I don't know why. A brother locked away and I know all too well why. I wondered how many of our bros are locked away and how broken the system is. I wondered how many of our sisters decide the running is better than sitting. I can't fix it, and that has taken all of me. I don't have the energy anymore. I sat and waited. And as I waited, I asked myself what I was waiting for. Which made me think of who I was waiting for and loneliness that doesn't really bother me anymore. But it does. I sat alone and didn't want anyone to bother me. I didn't feel like conversation or the facade of pleasantries. I only wanted to think. I was kind of hoping for a miracle. I was kind of hoping I'd see one of them. I thought I had more than once; I lost them both again. I am at the edge of my water. I don't know whether to jump in or just sit at the edge. I don't feel like talking in metaphors really, but I can't help it. I am a little lonely, but I am embraced in love. I am sad, but I insist on being happiness. I am waiting, but I am far too busy. The clock is ticking, in reality, and I have to catch the train. Ooh, speaking of trains, maybe I could just take a train. I have been wanting to do that. Speaking of wanting, I think I will find a ticket to My Fair Lady this Sunday. I love that musical!!! Speaking of musicals, I am also going to plan on seeing one of the Wicked performances this month, insha'Allah.

There much better.