I feel like she is making a mistake, and that I, in letting her make that mistake, am making an even greater mistake. He should never have hit. NEVER. But it is far more than that. I helped her leave, and I saw no problem in that at the time. But now some of the things she has said are not exactly true. I know she fears for the baby, but she has forgotten to hope for the baby. I don’t think it is fair. I don’t know what I would do in her situation. But I do think she should give it another shot. All the issues are out in the open. If he’s willing to start, shouldn’t she? Not for their own sakes, but for the baby’s? I have mixed feelings about it, but I’m really leaning towards a resolve to the problem if he is now willing to try. I think it would help to lay everything out on the table and be honest and straightforward (as they should have always been to begin with). I will have a heart-to-heart with her when I see her fact to face. Some things are too difficult to bring up over the phone. The issues of religion and the sanctity of marriage (not what I mean, but close enough). The issue of raising a child with her father and finding yourself in life. I don’t know how to say it, but I know I will. It’s my job. I wish I could talk to him. I think I will. What could it possibly hurt? I know she is afraid that he’ll take the baby and run, but I don’t see that happening. I know she is afraid to make him love the baby and have that be an issue in their possible (nearly probable) divorce. I think he should go with me to see her. I think he should have gone a long time ago. I think there is something wrong with her; something to make her think this way. She got what she wanted and then gave up on the rest. I don’t think it is right.

We still talk about marriage though. She still says she wants to find me a guy. It’s a little ironic. I told her about the guy who was talking to me while still married. She told me a similar story. It was ironic and funny. I haven’t told her that I’m seriously working on it. I’m not turning anyone away immediately. I’m giving everyone a chance. It won’t be easy for anyone, I think. But I am ready. If only I could let go.