Going Under

I thought that maybe
--just maybe--
if I learned to loathe
-- really hate--
then I'd know how to live
--seriously live--
but instead I've become ill
--honestly sick--
and malevelent where I once
--too long ago--
cared in spite of reason and hope
--alone and lost--

So now I drown myself
--too quickly--
in an ocean of strong words
--dark, cold words--
but the stars among the darkness
--resolute and discerning--
feeling the earthquake below
--tenderness cracking--
has left me on the shores
--among the sharp rocks--
for words cannot kill
--only injure--