Past Perusals

December 21
1:21 p.m.

Who knew that December, apart from being icy and cold, is also wedding season?

On Saturday, December 15, I went to a wedding at the Masjid for a friend of mine. Khylilah and Karimu were married at a small ceremony in a room at the Masjid. The decorations were lovely and the atmosphere familiar. It was a nice wedding masha’Allah. Funny thing: Rasheeda (Khylilah’s sister and a dear friend) forgot the favors at their house. So I volunteered to drive across town to get them. Needless to say (since it was a Muslim wedding) we started an hour late.

Sunday, December 16 brought with it the delight of the nikah of Alia and Mohamad. Engaged for nearly a year and half, the young couple have moved on to this more serious step. Masha’Allah, they are so happy together and blessed to be together.

Last night, Sunday, December 23, I went to a Pakistani wedding. Nohaiyah and Adeel were married at a traditional desi-fied hotel ballroom. Of course the invitation said to be there at 7, I showed up at 9. I was still early.

This coming Wednesday, December 26, I have another wedding event to attend. This ceremony will be held for another frien, Sarah. This is her second wedding, so I pray that Allah bless this union for her and makes things easy for her future. There will be lots and lots of dancing at this wedding, so I’m excited.

Now I must go back in time to the beginning of the month. You see, before any of these weddings happened, another exciting event happened in our family. On Saturday, December 8, my brother Adam was engaged to Samah. They’re both young and happy and in love, masha’Allah. They’ve sort of grew up together and our families both know each other since way back when. It is a relief to finally have them matched up (yeah, it wasn’t always easy) and it’s nice to see that such happy endings (beginnings, rather) do happen. I wish them well (I always liked Samah-and kinda liked Adam :) and look forward to the wedding planning. Did I mention nieces and nephews? ;) So the wedding is planned for the summer (insha’Allah), but nothing’s set in stone. This will be an interesting next 6 months. Alhamdulillah it’s all off to a great start.
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December 27, 2007
6:40 a.m.

I pushed it out with my tongue.
The tooth fell gently, without struggle.
I held it in my hand.
I twisted it between my thumb and index finger.
The tooth looked strong, deceivingly so.
I lamented the loss of my friend.

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I wonder if it is really my tooth that is keeping me awake right now. I mean it hurts like the dickens, but it may be more. The tooth that fell out in my dream is not the same tooth (teeth rather) that hurts. I know I am not supposed to tell bad dreams (so they say); I know that this one must have a “bad” meaning. I don’t care. I don’t put much in dreams. I don’t really believe in my dreams. I mean, come on. My teeth hurt, I dream of my tooth falling out. Logical (Freud may say emotional).

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I don’t want to move on.
The other side of loneliness is a scary place.
I don’t really want to go there by myself.
I’d like to visit with a friend, but I hear they frown upon bringing a date.

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Last night I danced my butt off! AND I got a number! Okay, not quite. Some ladies are trying to hook me up with a Moroccan in New York. I gave her my email address, but I didn’t really want to. I know how I am. I know what I’ll do. I’ll sabotage myself and every chance I’ll get. Emails don’t work for me. Long distances don’t work for me. Meeting new men doesn’t work for me. It’s not that I don’t want to (is it?). I mean it can’t be (can it?). I want to settle down (don’t I?). I do. I’m actually starting to want kids. I mean, me! Me, the girl who has a million and one reasons why NOT to have children. I am starting to really WANT kids (thanks to my best friends for bringing baby fever to Tulsa). I know something is really wrong with me (okay, most people know there’s something wrong with me ;), I just don’t know how to fix it, what to do with it, how to get on with it. Did I mention I have to start email correspondence with a stranger? Dude, this sucks!


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