how does one say

i don't FREAKIN care

(annoyed...i'm just annoyed)

my dedication

One Art
by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

He's in my house.

"Why is he here?"

He's down the hall.

"What did he do this time?"

He's asleep on his bed.

I feel like the cork on this bottle is about to explode. I'm hiding any and all emotion; I feel like an icy witch (maybe bitch, really). I don't really know what to think about that. I don't really know what to feel. I almost felt overwhelmed by emotion. I almost let myself cry; I nearly smiled. Instead, I hid it all away under the thick layer of skin and pretended it's all the same and no big deal. I'll not care for a while; he just might leave again. If I attach, I'll hurt. Instead, I'll pretend.

BUT HE'S HERE...and I don't know what to do.

Insomnia (I'm just tired!)

Creak. Creak. Creeeeeeaaaaaak.
the fan in
my small, four walled room
of red paint and books read

Hum. Hum. Hummmmmmmmm.
the refrigerator in
the long, narrow kitchen
of wooden drawers and drawings posted

Thump, Thump. Thump, Thump.
the heart in
my lonely, hollow chest
of hopes & dreams and dreaming lies

I cut all my hair off today. I donated it to locks of love. I cut it all off. It's cute short, but it'll definitely take some getting used to.

*****

It kinda sucks being the sister of the groom. Not nearly as much fun as being the friend of the bride. I am totally annoyed and sick of....well, school and party stuff and everything in general. I'll get over it, but it sucks now.

*****

My senior English class gets to watch V for Vendetta for another two days or so. YAY! It's a great movie that goes with our theme: utopia/dystopia. I look forward to that class everyday now! ;) YAY!